Crunch time

Today is the big day. It's midterm time. I will have my half way point tests to see how the cancer is responding to the chemotherapy.  I feel very confident that all is well. One of the amazing things about this experience is the peace that I feel. You would think that if you were told that your body has cancer all over the place that you would sink into an abyss of fear and dread.  But that is not the case. I feel very optimistic as I move through the process of eradicating the cancer. Notice I don't say, 'my' cancer. Im not owning this. It came to reside in my body to teach me. What have I learned? Ive learned that I must let go of my turmoil and grief over Mike's death and his troubled life. If I don't it will kill me. This experience has given me the peace I longed for. I spent a lifetime trying to help Mike. Im free of that now, as long as I let go of it. Acceptance. That is what I have learned. Accept the life and death that Mike had.  There are no explanations that can satisfy. So I will just accept.
I learned this from my experience with cancer.  No matter where I am on the continuum of treatment, I expect to ultimately clear it. 
Another concern I have had since the moment I was diagnosed was, would I be able to be there for Katie when she had her baby?  Yes, I was. I was able to be all that she needed during this crucial time in her life. So I have one more area of concern that is no longer there.
Now is the time to turn to myself and continue the healing process from the extraordinary year that has just passed.
I feel upheld by the prayers of friends family and strangers.  It's great to be a human being on this beautiful earth!