It's a new day

This morning I woke up with the familiar feeling of dread. Then I remembered that yesterday I was freed from that which I was dreading. I got the 6 month clean bill of health. The CT scan showed I was free of cancer. This is an important milestone for me. The doc told me that when I see him 3 months from now, I won't even need a CT scan. Obviously he is confident that I am cancer free. 

Me with Cris's baby Gabriel

Now I can look forward with no thoughts that block the future as I want it to be. I can flow my thoughts to all the happy times ahead. My hair can grow back. I will see the me that is really me when I look in the mirror. It will take a while to release the tension I have felt underlying my life. There were times when I didn't feel it at all. Then someone would tell me my hair looks good, as in growing back, and I would remember that I had had cancer.  If only people would accept me as I am and not remind me that I had cancer by commenting on my hair!

The cancer is gone

I went to the doctor today for the results of the CT scan done 2 weeks ago. The results were the same as three months ago: no cancer. Im breathing a big sigh of relief. I realize now that no matter how level headed I have been through all of this, it has been on my mind much more than I would like. I found myself making plans for how I would handle it if the cancer was back. I had to stop and find something else to think about. I kept busy doing things that give me joy while I waited. Even this morning I went to the Wild Animal Park instead of sitting around waiting for the appointment. 
I don't see the doc until September 27th. And I don't need a CT scan next time. That tells me that we are out of the acute phase of treatment. 
At this point I feel that I can go back to the life I knew. But it will be a life more appreciated, and also sober, knowing that others are not receiving this news. As I left the doctor's office, I looked down the hall to the chemo room and saw a woman in a bed receiving chemotherapy. Just 3 months ago, that was me. Not every one wins when they must dance with cancer. I shall be forever grateful to all those who have chosen to help bring about the cure that I am living with. This includes the doctors and nurses, the researchers and those that raise money for research.
And to all those who prayed for me, thank you for asking for a miracle for me. God heard your prayers.

C-T scan

Today I had a CT scan 3 months after my last chemo. I won't get the results for two weeks, because the doctor is out of town. So Im just going on with life. 
Sunday Im squeezing in another trip to N. Calif. As I looked at my calendar I realized that if I didn't go now, I wouldn't be free until the end of July. That's too long. I don't want to miss that much of Oliver's life. He is 5 1/2 months and growing fast.
I also want to see the rest of the family and spend time with Mom.
It's all good.

The end of a busy trip

I have two lives. One in Northern California. And one in Southern California.  For a long time I bemoaned the fact that I don't have one life in Northern California. But Frank, my husband, doesn't want to move north. After my experience with cancer, (lymphoma) I realized that I can look at this differently so that I don't have toxic emotions churning around in my body. I now realize that I can have it all. I can live in my sweet little house in Escondido surrounded by avocado trees, my wonderful husband, my dogs and cats, and the Wild Animal Park which feeds my body mind and spirit. My best friend Cris lives here with her two children and her husband.

My sister Shirley and I with the Graduate

And I have a whole rich life in Northern California as well. My daughter, son- in- law and grandson live there. As does my large extended family. If I time my trips right I can participate in the family rituals in Northern California as well.
I did so much while I was there. My visit was capped off with my brother's son, Austin's high school graduation. I am so proud of him! 

Catching up

Im still in Sacramento with Mom. But Im remembering a wonderful day in San Francisco. Katie and Bruce and Oliver and I went to Sunday Streets in the Mission District. It is a happening that could only be found in
San Francisco. Pictures are worth a thousand words. So here they are. Click on any picture for a full sized version slide show.

Saturday Morning

What a great time I have had with my grandson Oliver. I took over while Katie and Bruce got out for couple time, and golf and errands. Oliver is such a happy guy. He is always smiling at anyone who is looking at him. Last night Katie and Bruce went out to dinner and I took care of Ollie. At bedtime he wasn't quite ready. So I put him in his little rocker. It has toys hanging over him. He was just fascinated. But every now and then he looked at me and gave me a big grin. That's the way he is. He loves people and he loves to smile. 

Here I am with Ollie.