Moving forward

Ok, enough sniffling. Time to face forward instead of back. And what better way to do that, than to receive an email from the woman who will be coaching the Nike Marathon Woman's Walk Team. She is just getting organized. We will have an organizational meeting on May 17. At last, something I can hang my hat on. In the mean time, Im getting in shape by walking 3.5 miles at the Wild Animal Park several times a week, and going to the gym on the other days.
I have never done any sort of organized athletic event. (Oh wait. I did do a 50 mile bike ride once.)  Well, we shall see how this plays out.

Hair (again!)

I read somewhere that there is a kind of a let down after chemotherapy. I think that is true. No more high drama of chemotherapy. No more doctor visits where my whole life hangs on what the doctor says. I feel quite healthy. And Im able to do everything. But Im still bald! Ok there is some fuzz there. But it has been 6 weeks since my last chemo, and it is very slow going on the hair front. I can't really put all this behind me until I can look in the mirror and see the me that used to be. Well I suppose that me no longer exists. But this me should at least have some hair on her head. The odd thing is that it is bothering me more now, than when I was totally and completely bald. I guess I had bigger fish to fry then. I now have eyebrows again. That's something! Im really tired of wearing a wig that looks like a wig! The other day I went to the gym with just my fuzz of a head. It took courage. But it was a non event. People at the gym are so into their workouts that they barely notice other people. It felt really good to have nothing on my head. The sweat was able to evaporate normally and keep my head cool. There was one man who happened to have long grey hair and a long beard who was very nice to me. He seemed to be going out of his way to strike up a conversation. I guess thats the sympathy vote, pretend everything is normal to the point that it points out that it isn't normal.
Last night I dreamed that I looked in the mirror and my hair was back, so full and long that I needed a haircut. The dream was so real that I woke up expecting it to be true. But alas, it wasn't!

A conversation with Mike

I was feeling sad today, thinking about Mike. 
So I went to the Wild Animal Park where I often can 
chat with him. 
I put our conversation on his blog, Michael, My Son.

Another donation but a bit discouraged.

Just as I was starting to get discouraged I got another donation to Team in Training.
This whole fund raising thing is a bit daunting. On the one hand I want to raise money for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society. But I don't want to pressure people.  My friends at Team in Training say this should be easy because of my amazing story. I haven't really hooked up with the people Im going to be training with for the Half Marathon. So I will wait and see what I learn from them.
Im realizing that last week I was getting just a little manic over Team In Training. As a lot of you know, Im bipolar.  It has been very well controlled through medicine and therapy. I have learned to recognize when Im getting a bit too happy and excited.  That's what was happening last week.  There are just so many life events coming together that make me happy. All of them completely valid. 
Such as:
1) Being cancer free for almost 6 months
2) Finished with chemotherapy since March 1
3)Successful Gall Bladder surgery
4) My beautiful grandson Oliver
5) Meeting the people in Team in Training and being influenced by their infectious enthusiasm.


All of this is having an effect on my mood. Now you might think that it can't be all that bad to have so many positive life events. And of course it isn't. But it can become a problem if I allow my mood to balloon into euphoria. That's what starting to happen. Fortunately I realized it before I got too high.
When you have Bipolar disorder, what goes up, must come down. The pendulum swings both ways. However high I get will be followed by a matching depression 
That is what Im experiencing now. However, Im not a helpless victim of this. It killed Michael. But I won't allow it to rob me of my beautiful life.  It helps to put those depressed thoughts into words, instead of just letting those vague feelings rattle around in my head. Here they are:
1) Money not coming in to my Team in Training fundraising
2) Even though my hair is starting to come in, Im still essentially bald. When I look in the mirror, I feel bad.

3) Weight loss is stalled at 159.5. Even though I have been religiously tracking my food intake and have upped my exercise, I haven't lost a pound in about 3 weeks. A few days ago I went down to 158.5. But it's back up again.
So, yes Im a bit depressed right now. But I will move back to middle in a little while. In the mean time, Im putting Team in Training on the back burner. And just enjoying each simple moment that makes a day for me.
Life shouldn't be about pressure to do something or stress when it isn't going well. In the long run, Im going to do what is best for me.  Whatever follows will be perfect.

First donation

Today as I was working out at the gym, I received an email on my iPhone telling me that I received a donation to my Team in Training site. It is the first donation. So it is very encouraging.  
The donors are my dear friends in Germany, Heinz and Witha Lautenschlager. We have been friends for almost 40 years. In the mid 70's Heinz and Witha did a teacher exchange with the German teacher at the school where Frank taught. We had so much in common that we soon became good friends. Over the years we have gone back and forth to Germany renewing our friendship.
Witha has been following my blog. She called last week because my story moved her.
I have never been one to try to raise money for anything. In fact Im reluctant to do it. But my experience with Lymphoma has changed my mind. This is one cause I must get behind. The money that has been donated over the years has made the lifesaving research possible. This very research saved my life and made the chemotherapy tolerable. I feel that I must to pay it forward, just as someone paid it forward for me.
Im going to try to find ways to do this that will not put pressure on friends or family. I believe the money will flow in naturally, as long as enough people know what is needed and why. I hope my friends who are reading this blog will pass it on to others. 
You can keep track of my progress by watching the Team in Training widget to the right of the blog entries.

Moving my entries

Ive decided to move my weight loss blogging back to my weight loss blog,  Maintaining a Healthy Body and saving this blog for the larger picture of healing peace and paying it forward.

Progress

Full speed ahead!

Today I had my post op visit for my gall bladder surgery. All is well. Now I can start going to the gym again with just a few restrictions on my exercise routine. When I am one month out I am good to go. That will be in about 10 days. I can also gradually add fat to my diet. But since Im in the process of taking off the weight that I gained this past year, it won't be much.
There is so much behind me and so much ahead of me. What is behind me isn't going to interfere with what is ahead. If perchance I do have to deal with anything that is behind, I will do it when it comes up. I have no intention of taking away from my beautiful new life by worrying about things that may never happen. If they do happen, I will deal with it then. 
If you are glad Im still with you after my bout with lymphoma, please consider donating to the Leukemia Lymphoma Society on my fund raising page. Sallee's Fundraising Page Or click on the icon on the right. I have directly benefited from the millions of dollars raised by Team in Training over the years. Im paying it forward so that others will live. I am raising money by Walking in the Nike Women's Half Marathon in October. Please help me reach my goal!

It's Official

I am now an official member of Team in Training the branch of the Leukemia Lymphoma Society that raises money for research and patient services to people with blood cancers. I directly credit this group for my miraculous cure from Lymphoma. Of course the credit also goes to God and all those who prayed.  But this is HOW God did it.  This groundbreaking research improved the chemotherapy I received to the point of making me cancer free in only 3 months time! But not everyone is so fortunate.
Now Im going to pay it forward by raising money for Team In Training. Here is the link to my fund raising page Team in Training I will be walking the Nike Women's Half Marathon in San Francisco On October 14, 2012. Im committed to raising $2,500. But I would like to raise more!
If you are glad that Im still around. And want others like me to be here too, please consider donating. Thanks!! 
Keep track of my progress on the widget to the right.

Eyebrows and Dragonflies

Dragonfly
Yesterday as I was walking at the Wild Animal Park a dragonfly came near and paused for a few seconds before darting away. I wasn't near any body of water at the time.So it was a little unusual to see a dragonfly. I have never seen one at the Park before. I was curious about what the dragonfly symbolizes. So I Googled it. Here is what I found:
The dragonfly, in almost every part of the world symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self realization; and the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life.
http://www.dragonfly-site.com/meaning-symbolize.html


I feel that this describes me and what has happened in the last year. It has truly been a transformative experience. Life certainly has deeper meaning to me. I have a sense of other dimensions and deeper levels of consciousness. I am more peaceful, having let go of the things that cause me pain and turmoil.  Im more willing to let things unfold naturally instead of trying to control.


Eyebrows

When a person has chemotherapy they usually loose every hair in their body. (It's like erasing the blackboard. )This includes eyebrows and eyelashes.    Last week my eyebrows started itching. This week I was looking in the mirror and saw that my eyebrows are coming back. This picture is with no makeup. Im still waiting for eyelashes. It turns out they have a purpose. They filter out dust. I have had some problems with getting particles of dust in my eyes. Now I know why. I will be glad when I get my eyelashes back.
Things seem like they are going back to the way they were piece by piece. Soon it will seem like nothing has changed. But everything has changed. I'm older and wiser and more at peace. Time to write on that clean blackboard.

Making plans for Team In Training

Plans are moving along for my involvement with Team in Training, the branch of the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society that raises major funds for LLS by doing extreme sports. They are training for the Lake Tahoe century bike ride which will be June 3. They are doing another training bike ride between Escondido and Bonsall and back on Saturday. Im going to go down and cheer them on. This is just such a wonderful way for me to pay it forward. 
Im also going to Lake Tahoe to be part of the support team.The hard part is behind me and it's time to celebrate and have fun!!!
All the things that hurt, Mike's death, the chemotherapy, the gall bladder surgery are in the past. In this present moment all is well.

Fuzzy or Phoney You decide

Me with fuzz

Me and my wig

Im starting to get some peach fuzz on my head. In certain light my head looks white, the color of my real hair. Im getting really tired of wearing a wig. It's hot and scratchy. And it looks like  a wig.  I like to wear little caps when my head gets cold. But as the weather turns warm, my bald head feels really nice.

My favorite cap

Since I met my new friends at  Teams in Training I feel like my bald head is a badge of courage. For some reason, I was feeling somewhat ashamed of being bald.  I need to hold my head up and be proud.
So what do you think? Shall I go au natural'? Or keep the wig a little longer. 
You can vote in the comment section.

Feeling good

Today I took a 3.5 mile walk around the Wild Animal Park. It was an absolutely stunning day. Im just feeling so good. I feel like I have completely recovered from 6 months of chemotherapy and surgery to remove my gall bladder. I am truly blessed.
Im looking forward to more involvement with Team in Training, the group of athletes that raise money for Leukemia/Lymphoma while running marathons, doing 100 mile bike rides and triathlons. I won't be running marathons. But I may walk a half marathon. And I'd like to just be there to support our San Diego team when they run or ride.
Im also looking forward to going to Northern California to spend time with my family.
Im right on track with my weight loss plan too.
We get to chat with our grandson, Oliver on FaceTime, Apple's video chat program, a couple of times a week. It feels like we have actually been there.

Life is good.

New to my blog?

If you are just joining this blog, you might want to start in October of 2011 when the cancer was diagnosed. You can look to the right of each page to select the entries you want to read. The blog has been cathartic for me. And it has helped my friend's and family keep track of my progress.

Paying it forward

Team in Training. Thats me in the white hat in the middle

This morning I had the privilege of addressing the local chapter of Team in Training San Diego which is affiliated with the Leukemia Lymphoma Society. It is a fund raising branch of elite athletes that raise fund for the LLS. The international organization has raised a billion dollars over a 27 year period. It started at the New York Marathon 27 years ago by the father of a Leukemia victim. The local San Diego chapter has raised $330,000. I told them my story and explained how advances in research directly affected my lymphoma treatment. I wanted them to see where their money is going.These are wonderful athletes that warmly welcomed me to their group. After that they took off on a 70 mile training bike ride.  They are having a fund raiser tonight in San Diego. Frank and I plan to go. Frank will really enjoy these people as he is an extreme sport athlete like them. And there will be pizza for Frank.
I think I found my next big project!! 

My friend Patty, the team trainer, Mike and
Pattie's husband Happy

They have some run/walk marathon/half marathons. Im going to see if I am in good enough shape to participate. There is one in the fall in San Francisco. It would be a great goal for me.

A kiss from one baldy to another.

Telling my story

I have a friend from my therapy dog group who also raises money for lymphoma, leukemia research. She belongs to a group that does triathlons to raise money.  She has been following my progress as I get treatment for lymphoma. I told her that one of the reasons I have done so well, and the lymphoma has been cured is research. Her group is one of the sources of funding for this research. I offered to speak to her group and thank them for this. She was delighted. This Saturday the group is meeting at a local park to train and I will share my story with them. This may be the beginning of a whole new direction in my life. Im so very grateful to all those who have contributed to research for this disease, including my doctor who spent his life researching lymphoma.
It's time to pay it forward.

Food addiction

                                                   First Bite warning
This article says it all. Im a sugar and fat addict. It explains it as well as Ive ever seen.
Now that Im taking a vacation from these foods, thanks to my Gall Bladder surgery, I can step back and evaluate.  
I now know that just like a heroin or alcohol addict it only takes one bite of something to make me take the brakes off.
 I have noticed that if I have something sweet in the house, cookies, ice cream, chocolate, I cant stop thinking about it. I would allow myself one serving a day. But the rest of the day I was thinking about it and wanting it. It was torture. I never thought of it that way. But it's true. A couple of weeks ago, when my oncologist gave me the ok to get on track with my weight loss program, I weaned myself off of sugar over several days. I cut way back on fat as well. I found that once the sugar was out of my system the cravings were gone.
I don't bring sugary treats into the house. And I have plenty of low fat foods available at all times. I have been given the gift of gall bladder removal to help me along the way. Bottom line, if I eat even a little bit of fat I will suffer because of my bodies' inability to digest it. I simply  can't eat fat. How cool is that?
Further down the line my body will adjust and I will be able to eat some fat again. By then my eating habits will be ingrained. And it should be easier to make good choices.
How do I know I can do this? Because I know my brain. My brain believes what I tell it. And this is what I tell it. 
I learned this from my brother Steve of Intelligent Heart

pain and food 3 days post op

It has been three days since my gall bladder surgery,
It is obvious to me that my body has undergone a fundamental change. Even though this change has required me to experience excruciating pain at times, it feels like it is an answer to my struggles with my weight. Even three days out, I don't feel like eating much. And the things I do eat are in a very limited range. Not only do I know intellectually what to eat and more important what NOT to eat,  my body is telling me intuitively. I  can eat, oatmeal, low fat cottage cheese, cherrios, almond milk, canned pineapple, banana and toast with a small amount of jam. I can only eat about half of a serving.Im very leery of anything with any fat in it, most dairy products and meat. I don't even want fresh veggies. Im keeping track of my calories on my great weight loss website, Daily Burn, since surgery, I have eaten about 500-600 calories per day, It's as if my body is saying, 'Let's take a break from eating' . I have plenty of reserves. And I take vitamins. 
The other aspect of this is pain. For the most part the pain is bearable or non existent. However there are moments when the pain cuts through me like a knife. The most difficult thing is getting up from lying flat in bed. Ive learned some maneuvers that make it doable. But it still is just over the top when I make the wrong move, to the point where I cry out in pain.  I know it is important to stand up straight. The tendency is to bend over slightly to relieve the pain. But if I do that I may never stand up straight again. So I do it regardless. I hadn't taken a pain pill since yesterday at 4AM. But this morning I decided to take one. Hopefully I can move around better with it on board.
I will be so glad when this blog can shift focus to something besides my health. I keep it going because it is cathartic for me. And people want to know how Im doing. This is the most that I have focused on my self in my whole life. But I guess this is part of my journey.

The shower sign

There are signs the doctor looks for when he goes in to see a sick patient in the hospital. One is the lipstick sign. If his patient is wearing lipstick he knows she is feeling better. In my case it's the shower sign. I slept pretty well last night. The only problem is when I have to move. Fortunately my bed is so comfortable that I only have to move every 3-4 hours. It hurts like heck for a long time. Then things finally settle down. I have found that a few very deep breaths makes that pain ease up. When I got up this morning I had a craving for a hot shower. So even before coffee I got in the shower and reveled in the hot water on my body. I like to stand under the shower head and let the water run over my bald head. It feels so good.  Here I am, all cleaned up and ready for the day. I think I will try it without pain pills.  The pain only seems to occur when I move in certain ways. The worst of all is when I lie down on the bed or get up. But Im figuring out how to move so it isn't so bad.. 

Im looking forward to a beautiful day. The weather is absolutely magnificent. I plan to spend a lot of time walking in my yard.

Me looking odd

I was walking by a mirror today and saw this very strange looking person. Oh wait! Thats me. Here is the head to toe explanation of why Im dressed like this. Hat on head cause Im bald. Hospital gown, cause I don't want anything tight around my waist. PJ top so I don't hang out in the breeze. Around my waist is a scarf holding an ice bag over my surgery site. To finish off my ensemble I have chosen fuzzy slippers. 
I can only go up from here. Stay tuned! One day I will look like the person on the top of each page of this blog.

First post-op day

The night wasn't too bad. I was able to get comfortable with the help of my pillows and some vicodan. However I had to keep getting up to pee. I think all the iv's they gave me were parked in my tissue and had to be excreted.  It is just as well. It isn't a good idea to lay in one position and not move for hours on end. The biggest waker upper is when I have to go from lying to sitting on the edge of the bed to standing. I hold a pillow over my gut and try to do it in one fell swoop. Hurts like crazy. But after a few minutes things settle down.
Thats it for now.

Unsung hero

Almost 46 years ago Frank and I looked into each other's eyes and promised to be there for each other, 'for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, as long as we both shall live'
We have both lived up to those promises throughout our long and happy marriage. Time can dim memories and dull emotion. But the vows we made to each other are imbedded in the deepest part of our psych.  Without giving it a thought we each step up to the plate and take care of the other in whatever way it is needed. 
I fear I sometimes take it for granted that Frank will sacrifice his own desires to take care of me when I am sick. He has been the unsung hero of these last six months. Yesterday was no exception. 
Being the caretaker means doing a lot of waiting. The patient is involved in various procedures, while the caretaker either sits by her side, or in the waiting room. Frank bought a big book, the NY Times and his lunch. Fortunately there was a big TV in the waiting room and he got to watch his golf tournament.
After the surgery I was in a lot of pain. He intuitively stayed by me without expecting any small talk. As we drove home I just lay back against the seat and closed my eyes. I could feel his concern and his occasional glance at me. When we got home I gingerly made it to my bed. Then I sent him off to fill a prescription.  I just laid there and didn't move until he came back. 
I needed him to help me put pants on, pick things up off the floor and just generally be available. 
This stage of a marriage is less romantic than that joyful beginning you see above. But the love is deeper and stronger, after a lifetime of sharing love, pain, grief and joy. How lucky we are to have each other!

Pain

Yup thats what happens when you let someone stick rods in you and muck about and grab your gall bladder and tug it through a small hole.   I just wanted everyone to know that the surgery went well. No unforeseen problems. So I am officially gall bladder -less. I don't think my body got the memo though, cause it feels like a gall bladder attack. Thats the bad news. The good news is that I can get in a comfortable position and then there isn't any pain. Not possible with a bonafide gall bladder attack.
I am on pain meds they are working ok except when I move. I have to move to get well. Im working it out. I hug a pillow to my gut when Im getting up or down... seems to work. I had a walk around the house and felt better for it. Im sure that those of you who have been down this road can relate.
I won't be taking phone calls for a while. So check in here. Emails always welcome. I love to know you are thinking about me.
When they wheeled me into the OR I had a flashback of going with Dad into the OR when I was 13. I got kind of teary just thinking about him. I think he was looking over the Doc's shoulder. 
Just three months ago I was in the OR with Katie when she had complications from Oliver's delivery. I think thats enough of OR's for a while. 
Im glad Dad took me there when I was a girl. Because I had no fear, Just a sense of trust that I was safe. I was very well cared for throughout.

The big day

Today my gall bladder goes. It's time. There are previous posts that describe the gall bladder and it's function. If you missed it and want to know, go take a look.
I slept well last night. Im now sitting in my bed with my computer. I don't plan to go into the kitchen any time soon. The kitchen is for eating and drinking. I won't be doing that this morning. So there is no need to go there.
Ive got my kitty by my side and all is well. .
I go in to the hospital at 11:15. Surgery is scheduled for 1:15. I stay in the recovery room for 3 hours or so. After surgery Frank will call Shirley. And she will call the siblings. I should be home sometime this evening.
If things go as expected I will be blogging by tonight.
Thanks in advance for your thoughts and prayers.

Mike's spirit

I went to the Wild Animal Park the other day to take pictures of the butterflies and to take my walk. There is one area in the park that is my favorite. It is a quiet place where few visitors go. The rest of the park can be teaming with people. But only the regulars seem to know about this place. There is a lovely pine forest with a pond and a creek running through it. (man made). There is a bench by the pond where I often sit and Mike feels very close. We have little conversations. When I went the other day I took pictures with my iPhone. Here is one I took by the pond.
You be the judge.

Advanced Health Care Directive

One of the things that happens when someone is admitted to the hospital or has any contact with with a good health care system is that they are asked if they have an advance health care directive. They want to have it on file.  Most people know that an advanced directive is instructions about what you want if you are incapacitated and unable to make decisions for yourself. 
Frank and I have one. But it is very old.  I got online yesterday and pulled one up from the State of California website. Here is the link: Advance Health Care Directive.  
Today we are going to fill out a new one and have our neighbor's witness it.  I don't have much emotion about this. It is just something everyone should do. It would ease the burden of loved ones who have to make decisions during a very trying time. 
Frank and I also have set up a cremation plan. When we pass our loved ones can simply call the number and they will come and take our remains, and cremate them and bury the ashes at sea. This is what we did with Mike. We were able to ask him if that was all right while he was still lucid. And he said yes. We made other decisions for Mike at the end of his life that we feel were what he would want. But he didn't have an advance directive. We didn't let them do anything that would prolong his life, including tube feedings and IV's. We did keep him medicated to relieve pain, even though that rendered him unconscious until he died. We were able to say our good byes a few days before he died when he was still somewhat lucid.
We feel that a memorial service does not need a body present. For our spirits are free once we leave our bodies. We had a lovely memorial for Mike at our home, with pictures of him around and a slide show I made on the TV. We never went to a funeral home. You can rest assured that I will be there in spirit when my time comes. 
Mike has been around us a lot while we adjust to his passing.  Everyone has their own style of dying. No one is right or wrong. 

'Take a deep breath and hold it.'

Breath... ping ping ping... Take a deep breath and hold it.....ping ping ping..Breathe
First order of business today was a sonogram.The doctor wants to have a look see at my gall bladder before going in and fishing it out of my body. She doesn't like surprises. That took about an hour. I got to see my gall stones. Most of them are pretty small. But I have one big one the size of a marble.  
Before I had the sonogram I stopped by the doctors office for my marching papers. They had my whole agenda all spelled out for me. Its a darned good thing cause it's complicated!
Then I was ushered into the accounting office to discuss how we would be paying for this. She looked me up in the system, asked me my date of birth, then said, 'You have medicare and Tricare. You don't owe a thing'. So, once again I march into one of the finest health care systems in the world  and get the care I need and it doesn't cost a cent. I have a bit of survivors guilt. Why should I have such good care when others are fighting for every bit of care they need? It just isn't right.
No time to ponder, I have a schedule to keep. Ok, Sonogram, check.
Next I go to the PAT office. They have consolidated all the things a pre surgical patient must do in one place. It's a darned good thing, cause the hospital is a maze of corridors.  A person could spend the whole day just trying to figure out where they are supposed to be. As it was  I had to find the radiology department and then get to the PAT office. With a little help from hospital employees heading to the cafeteria I found the PAT office.
Next on the agenda, EKG. It was a guy. He told me he would have to see my chest. Was that all right? What the hey, I said, sure. Cant be slowing things down waiting  to get a woman technician.  He attached 12 leads to various parts of my body. Once they were attached it took a few seconds to do the EKG. I can remember when a fancy EKG like that would take a half hour.
Next a little chat with the nurse to discuss the surgery, my medical history and tell me a whole bunch of stuff. Fortunately it was all written too. Cause I would never remember it all. One thing I do remember very well is that old 'Nothing by Mouth after midnight' 
I hate that one. I sure get hungry and thirsty.  The surgery is at 1:15. So it will be one dry morning. And I can't even chew gum! Thats the final insult! I love my gum, especially when my mouth is dry.
Next was a long wait and then they called me to draw blood. It was a cramped space with several technicians climbing over each other and a lady on a computer who told me to 'sign the medicare form electronically on a little pad. AFTER I signed, she gave me a copy of what I had signed. It seems I agreed to pay if medicare refused. That would have been nice to know before I signed.
 One last insult, I had to produce a urine specimen. Since there was no bathroom in that little space I had to take my brown paper bag with the specimen cup into the public bathroom by the cafeteria and perform the ritual. Then I tucked it into the plastic bag and then into the brown paper bag and brought it back to the PAT department.
Finally I was good to go. I enjoyed a lovely walk to the car along the back part of the hospital that overlooks Torry Pines Golf Course. It was an absolutely splendid day.
Altogether it took about 4 hours. That leaves me the rest of the day to enjoy. Im taking all the happiness I can out of each and every day. There is lots to be had. Tomorrow is a free day. The next day is the surgery. 
Onward and upward! 

More about sugar

Here are my last three entries on Facebook.
I have been in a lifelong struggle with obesity. Last night 60 minutes had a report on sugar. Studies have been done that show that sugar causes obesity, heart disease, childhood obesity, diabetes and even some kinds of cancers. It seems that cancer cells have insulin receptors and just pull that sugar into the cells and grow like crazy. A huge light bulb went on in my head! As Desi Arnes would say, That 'splains' everything!!!!
One teaspoon of granulated white sugar is equal to about 4.2 grams. If you are buying a bottle of cola with 44 grams of sugar, you would divide 44 by 4.2 which is equal to 10 teaspoons of sugar. 

As I switched to a weight loss diet, I have been getting as much sugar out as possible. In effect I have been slowly weaning myself off over the last week. Im no longer craving sugar. I realize that Im a sugar addict. Many people are. If I have sweets in the house, cookies, cakes, ice cream, (all low fat of course) I can't stop thinking about them, even if I limit myself to one serving a day. 
I feel like I have been freed. 
Here is the link again: Is Sugar Toxic

Sugar is Toxic

I just watched the 60 minutes report on sugar.  If you didnt see it, here is the link:
Is sugar toxic?
Sugar is responsible for Diabetes obesity, heart disease and some cancers. Sugar is more addicting than cocaine.  It's all in the 60 minutes report.
As a part of my plan to loose the weight I gained over the last year I have decided to cut out all added sugar from my diet. That means reading labels and cutting way back on processed food. I will get sugar from whole fruit only. I also have to have a no fat diet because of my gall bladder. That should sure help me loose weight!
I have been off all added sugar for a week and I find Im not tempted by it as I used to be. This is a good thing

There's no point in worrying

There's no point in worrying, because if something bad happens, then you've lived it twice. Michael J Fox
And to take it a step further, looking back with grief or regret makes you relive unhappy moments. Sometimes you have to do that to put things to rest, if you feel like you are just 'stuffing' those bad feelings or thoughts. It might be necessary to pull them out and really look at them. But once you do that and find some peace, there is no point in going back again and again. I plan to go back to this entry as often as is necessary. When I find myself revisiting the bad sad stuff I need to remind myself of this. It does no good. It only causes pain.  And it takes away the joy of the present moment.
Sad things happen, yes, they do. But you dont have to be sad forever. Mattie Stepanek