Feeling alone

I just reread all the reports from the tests that were done. My body is just riddled with cancer, my appendix isn't looking good. And there is something going on with my heart. I see a cardiologist on Thursday, Dr Savin the oncologist on Friday.
I read the report to Frank. I said, I could die' He said the doctor said I won't. But I could die. You would have to completely ignore those reports to say that. So Frank is in the other court. Stubborn as always. He has sided with the doctor and left me to my own devices. Im left with all the thoughts one thinks when one might die.
I believe in miracles. I believe I can be cured of this amazing aggressive cancer that has a stranglehold on my body. But I must also prepare for the possibility that I might die. There is so much to think about and plan for. I can't face all of it yet.
Im not afraid to die. I will be most willing to step to the other side when the time comes, whether it be in 3 weeks,, 3 months 3 years or 30 years.  I know what waits for me there. I will be safe, I will be loved and most of all I will be at peace. No more haunting thoughts of Mike and his life and his death. No more fighting Frank for the littlest things I want like a cleaning lady. Or a big thing like moving to northern california to be with my family. I want a house and all my animals and Frank all together with me up there. No more frustration at not being able to be with my family. All of this is just eating me up inside and killing me. Can the red devil overcome all that hurts and struggles and frustrates me? It remains to be seen.