Chemotherapy class

This afternoon Frank and I went to a chemo class at the clinic where I will start chemo next week. It was very interesting and very helpful. It gave me a good idea of what to expect, what side effects can occur and what can be done about them. 
On Tuesday I will go in to the clinic and first see Dr Savin. I will get the results of the tests I had this week. I will learn whether the cancer has spread beyond my abdomen. After that I go to the chemo clinic for my first chemo therapy. It is a large room with windows looking out over a golf course with the Pacific ocean beyond. This is where the rubber meets the road. After all this build up Im going to really start being treated for cancer. The way the chemo works with this kind of cancer(lymphoma) is that it blasts the tumor and it breaks up and is excreted by my kidney. They say that the very first chemo will do this. Wow!
It is still kind of unreal to me because I feel so good. Dr Savin said that this is an aggressive cancer and I have only had it about 3 months.  That means I got it not long after Mike died. Even though the doctor  pooh poohed the idea, I know it came from my grieving and my inability to reconcile the tragedy of Mike's life with my desire to help him. My pain curled itself into a ball and lodged in my gut, From there it sent out little pieces of sadness like tears. Time to heal from the sadness. Mike doesn't need me to carry his pain any more. So I will lay it down and take care of me.