The news is not good

Im still reeling from this day. 
11AM Dr Day (the surgeon who was supposed to do the Gall Bladder Surgery, but she found a mass and pushed me through the diagnostic process.) Called me to tell me that the pathologist called and said I have lymphoma. She said they don't have the definitive diagnosis ( there are many kinds of lymphoma) But the next step is to get me to the oncologist(cancer doctor). I received a call within the hour from the nurse. She asked if I could come in at 2:30 today. Of course I said yes.
This is where it gets complicated. The Doctor is named Dr Savin. He has a resident working with him called Dr Hart. (great name for a doctor!) Dr Savin told me that there are many kinds of lymphoma. I have non Hodgkins lymphoma. But it is further catagorized between indolent(lazy) and aggressive. I have aggressive. Hence the push to get me started with treatment. I will have another series of diagnostic tests to determine if it has spread outside my abdominal area,  I have scattered tumors in my abdomen. The largest being just under my ribcage in the middle but in my abdomen. That one is the size of a grapefruit. I asked the doc how long this has been growing. He said 2-3 months. That is pretty astounding in my opinion. Especially since I have been feeling fine and have had no symptoms.
I will start chemo next week. I will have one dose every three weeks. He said the chemo blasts the cancer and it is excreted in my kidneys. I will have a high uric acid as a result and will get the same gout medication Mom takes.
He said the chemo isn't as bad as I think. Easy for him to say. I will loose my hair. I will be tired about 10 days after the chemo. He told me to do whatever I want to do. If Im up to it, then do it.
He gave me more technical information about the chemo. But I don't remember much. There is a class tomorrow about chemotherapy. So maybe I will understand it better then.
I wish I could give you all a better interpretation of all of this. It isn't necessarily a death sentence. Lets let the chemo do its work and see how it goes.
Here is an email I sent to Steve Campbell in response to his Halloween Intelligent Heart email about fear.
Wow Steve,

This is perfect for me. I have been trying to figure out why Im not panicked out of my skull over this possible cancer diagnosis. It is because of my beliefs about it. Yes, cancer is very scary. And it would mean my life would completely change course. I will have an opportunity to enter a world where few want to go, but where there are people who are being stripped of their very identity and given another one, not of their choosing. These facts can make a very interesting and valuable study.And we can support each other along the way.  The most important belief I have is about dying. Im not afraid. That is the tipping point in this. In the worst case scenario and at the same time the best case scenario,, I am safe, I am loved and all will be well. I will be met by those angelic beings who have been with me all my life. I will be with Mike and Dad who have been transformed. My dogs and kitties will be there. God will be there. Whats not to love?

If it turns out I wont die, I can still learn so much from this. I can grow and become more than I have ever been before. 

Steve Jobs put it best. The last thing he said was 'Oh Wow, Oh wow, Oh wow!

Love

Sallee

In this life and the next, we never walk alone.