Looking deeper into this

When I was at Scripps clinic last week for a test, I picked up a copy of Bernie Siegel's Book 'Love, Medicine and Miracles' Bernie Siegel is a surgeon who has developed a unique understanding of the body. mind spirit relationship to illness and cancer.

When I first brought this up to my oncologist he immediately said that Mike's death has nothing to do with my cancer. I can not accept this. I have no doubt in my mind that this cancer is the result of my conflict over Mike's death and also my 'need' to take care of others. Somehow Sallee got lost. I think she has been lost for a very long time. I hope I can find her.

Siegal's book is the confirmation I needed. I have spent most of the day reading it, gaining insight into myself and what has let me to this point in my life. I have filled my body with cancer. The question now is why did I do it and what do I want to do about it? I will need guidance. I plan to seek out support groups that will help me look at my life and understand why I am in this place at this moment in time. 

If I want to heal, I must be willing to take a long hard look at myself and my relationships. When all is said and done, I still don't know how to take care of myself.

If I am to survive this, I must figure this out.

'The mind and the body are not separate units, but one integrated system. How we act and what we eat and feel are all related to our health'

Bernie Siegal